debt sucks big hairy balls!!

Pardon the very upfront post title!!BUt that is how I feel!

I am starting to wonder if i should go buy a map or a gps unit or sign up to find a travel buddy!

This whole travelling without a map is a tad bit stressful!

I had decided on going to school this fall! It was scary but I had finally made a decision..yea!

School would start in September, I was planning on moving to Bozeman in August to get a pt job, and move in before 12,000 college students move back. I had found out that I qualified for fin aid. $9500 of the $11,500 that the program costs. However since the program runs from Sept 2009 to Aug 2010, I'd fall into another financial aid year bracket '10-'11. So I could actually qualify for more aid! School would be M/W and friday morning. I would have T/Th off, so I could work FT on those days.

I called my mom to just let her know what was going on..maybe ask if they(my parents) would consider helping me out a bit. With living expenses and all, however I should have known she would burst my bubble!

Well this time was no different. She proceeded to tell me I should just wait for a year, save some money then try again next year. She has always been anti-debt! Which I suppose no one is PRO-debt..I certainly am not! I just am coming to terms that most people have debt and you just learn to deal with it.

however I did not realize..until after speaking to my dream crushing mother, how much in the hole i was...eek.

Well i calculated it and like Karyn in the book Save Karyn! I am in $20,000--eek. However $4,500 is school debt. So technically $15,500 is various credit cards and other debt. Oops!!

After i realized that, I broke down! I bawled for a good 30 mins, then made an 'adult' decision i would suck it up and put off my dreams till another day! It made me sick! I then proceeded to cry for another few hours..let's just say i was having a mini-mental break down.

I put away all my massage therapy info and stopped looking at apts/jobs online.

I will just work another year or couple years(as per debt) at another assistant job, making just above the poverty line, until I can afford school.

I called my boyfriend to tell him the bad news, I sounded like someone just crushed all my hopes for the future..not wait that did happen.

He told me that it will work out, that it will all be ok..of course I did not want to hear any of that. What I wanted to hear was, "congratulations, you just won $50,000!!" But obviously Publishers clearing house did not have my address.

So there I sat. My crushed dreams in one hand and $20,000 debt in the other!

What a great feeling! NOT!

after talking/crying to my sister--she tried to help me figure out a solution to my problem. She also mentioned that maybe this happened to see how bad I honestly want it.

I end up talking to my bf later that night on msg. I apologized for being so emotional earlier, and cutting the conversation short. He told me it was ok and he was sorry that I felt this way. and that he still loved me!

I asked if he loved me even with my debt...he responded with 'I would love you even if you were $20mil in debt, but $30mil would be pushing it!"

I'm not sure how I found such great guy!

On thursday-I met with my massage therapist/naturopath-She is such a great person!! After talking to her, I have decided to keep pursuing my dream! Even if i will be $30k in debt when I'm done.

I look at it this way, I am going to be 24 on sunday. My current job will be ending in August or sooner if need be, I did not get the other 2 jobs I applied for here, my awesome bf will still be in school till May 2011. So I figure, why not get it done now. I will be 25 when I graduate, and then I can start making money at something I love doing!

I'm afraid if I don't do it now, the opportunity will pass me by.

I don't have kids yet, I would be closer to family and only 2 hrs away from my bf instead of 6.

So with my renewed hope, I called my cousin who lives in Bozeman and asked if he knew anyone that was looking for a roomate. An idea I was once against, but now have sucked it up and decided I will live with someone, because it would be cheaper.

He actually told me that his roommate was actually thinking about transferring to another college, and in turn would be opening up a room in my cousins condo!!YEA

$325 is much cheaper than $575 a mth--

I also found a job as a receptionist at a vet clinic that needs help on Tues/Thurs..perfect!

I also bought the book Everything Happens for a Reason--to try and get some insight!!

I also posted some shoes and rollerblades to sell, to try and earn some extra cash!..I really am trying to make this work!

Wish me luck!!! I need all the luck/prayers/thoughts I can get!